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Tales of a Beaverton Super-Mom: Adventures in Family Travels

| November 30, 2013 | 0 Comments

By Maureen Wilson

18-super-mom-leadNovember has become our month of family travel, and every year I think I’m a little closer to opening that novel and sipping a quiet cup of coffee on the plane… and then every year I draw the card to sit next to whomever is the baby at the moment, and the coffee and the book are like a commercial you can watch and envy but will never live.

Before the flight even took off, my 4 yr.-old and I were having issues. Well, she wasn’t having issues—she was actually having a blast simply opening and closing the tray in front of her–with a good smack every time to make sure it was locked securely. “Stop,” I whispered. “Each time you do that, you’re making the 24man’s head in front of us bounce!!” She sat back sullenly and then said sharply, “Well, the man behind ME is being VE-WY un-appwopwiate and playing with HITH tway, too!” I looked back to see a distinguished gentleman sitting calmly with a breakfast sandwich and Wall Street Journal, and he didn’t appear to be getting a kick out of jerking around his seat paraphernalia, so I gave her my eyebrow raise as a signal to hush. Two minutes later she hollered, “I can THMELL him, but I can’t THEE him!!” “Shhhhh,” I hissed at her, thinking she was referring to someone’s body odor. “What are you TALKING about??” “I thmell MINT!!” she said with her nose in the air and eyes narrowed. “THOME-ONE’TH got thome mint GUM, and they aren’t SHARING!!” About this time I popped out the leftover Halloween candy, handed her a new Leapster game, and prayed we would get off tarmac before she offended everyone within a 5-row radius.

With the exception of a lot of squirming and some low-key gymnastics, we made it through a good chunk of our short trip without many episodes. I think there was even a period I shut my eyes for a few moments, but in retrospect, that was probably a mistake. “Bottom to Cheek One, Bottom to Cheek One…Come in, Cheek One!” I looked down to see a little plastic drinking cup fashioned into some sort of walkie-talkie system, which my daughter was using to have some serious and secret conversation with my derriere, much to the amusement of the lady sitting adjacent to us. “I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be ‘Bottom’ or ‘Cheek One’” I said dryly. “You can be BOTH!! Becauth you have TWO!!” Kiana replied graciously. Wait, what?? Nevermind. I’m not even going to ask.

23 baby-riding-planeOther than her loudly mourning to the flight attendants as we walked off the plane how the poor First Class folks didn’t even HAVE fabulous trays with locks like WE did in coach, we actually made it to the hotel without drawing too much attention to ourselves. Our first trip to Disneyland was filled with fun and festivities– and overwhelmed, exhausted children who were ready to bicker with anything that moved by the last day. So we headed to the beach for some R & R of the organic kind, and as we enjoyed our last few minutes of California sun, I told the older girls to clean up in the boardwalk bathrooms before we headed home. After a few minutes, Kiana asked where her sisters went. “To use the bathroom and rinse the sand off their legs.” She pondered that and then shook her head. “Not at the thame time, I’m gueth-ing, becauthe you would NOT want to wash off your leg-th with what I do in the bath-woom!!” Logic and reason, my brilliant dolly. You’ve got it.

But as we hunted for a suitable restaurant to eat lunch in before hopping on the plane, I knew I was done with public humiliation and bathroom humor for the week when Kiana started repeating the signs she heard her sister reading in the airport. “Duty-free???” she exclaimed. “ DOODY-FREE!!!” she repeated, laughing maniacally. “I’m DOODY-DOODY-DOODY FREE every time I go to the BATH-WOOM!!” she sang. “Kiana, that’s enough,” I said wearily. An avid “Doc McStuffin’s” fan who is constantly diagnosing us, she replied in a grave tone: “I think what YOU have ith ‘repeat-itith.’ Becauth thometimes you just thay the THAME thing over and over and over.” I smiled apologetically at my fellow airport patrons shopping for last-minute gifts, and dreamed about next year, when I will be booking a seat… by myself… in First Class…with my Venti coffee and new paperback. 🙂

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Category: Beaverton Voice, Tales of a Super-Mom

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