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Tales of a Beaverton Super-Mom: Now that’s Embarrassing!

| November 1, 2013 | 0 Comments

18-super-mom-leadIt appears that my current purpose in life is to embarrass my 6th grader. Initially I could pinpoint my transgressions to some of my more outrageous behaviors, such as humming along to the music playing in the grocery store, waving at someone I THOUGHT I knew but actually DIDN’T, or having the audacity to ASK a question when I didn’t understand. Now, though, I’m getting a bit confused about what causes the humiliation: some days it’s because I’ve dressed too hipster and some days because I’m too dowdy; often it’s from making a joke that NO ONE understands (except me, who laughs hysterically) or making a joke that is “TOO funny” (did not even know such a category existed). Then there have actually been times where I’m shunned because I turned to the right instead of the left when someone calls my name. And the only reason I can tolerate all this nonsense is because I GET it. I get how life looks when you’re 11 and somewhere between getting your first apartment and still enjoying being tucked in at night–and your mom is that crazy lady who, while she remains your absolute best confidante, is also your biggest social fear. But that doesn’t mean there are some days I wish my daughter would get that just yesterday I was rockin’ it in my acid-washed jeans and Bomber jacket—and that I, too, would have died had my mom attempted to sing along to Def Leppard in public.

Fortunately, I still don’t embarrass my 9 yr-old, who actually requests to hear about my uber-interesting life. Recently she was quizzing me on my marital history, and I was enjoying the little trot down memory lane—remembering the good, the bad, the things that happen when you’re together 20 years. I thought the conversation would inspire her to find someone as wonderful as her father someday, but when I asked why she was contemplating this topic so much, she replied, “Oh, I’m not sure I’m ever going to get married. I’m WAY too happy now.” Alrighty then. Some stellar modeling has obviously gone on here. Then she adds, “By the way, how do you STAND wearing that BRA???” Well, honey, the truth is it’s kind of like marriage. Sometimes it gets uncomfortable but you simply learn to deal with it.

Often it’s the 4 yr-old who keeps me grounded and reminds me that life will never get better than this: playing incessant imaginary games for infinity that have no beginning or end or purpose to speak of…other than the entertainment I get from listening to her perspective on life as she talks through her dollies. We had the piano tuner here last week and Kiana was on her best behavior, so I was surprised when he remarked, “Boy, you’ve got a firecracker with that one!! If your other two are like that, I don’t know how you survive!” I gave him my confused smile—something I’m becoming quite skilled at—and pondered what in the world he expected of a 4 yr-old. And then it finally dawned on me he probably had NO idea we were doing imaginary play in the family room, but instead assumed he was hearing a dialogue between mother and daughter. And it went a little something like this:

  • K (playing the mommy doll): “We are going to go to this store today. And if you give me ANY attitude—OR smell like fried bacon—you’re going into time out.”
  • Me (baby doll who is trying to stay alert 40 minutes into the game that I’m only playing so it will stay quiet and the piano tuner can do his job): “Hmmm…what does that say about me, then, if I’m now craving pork? Would you call that passive-aggressive? Or am I oppositional-defiant?”
  • K: “You KNOW I don’t know what you’re talking about so stop using those words! Because now you ARE in time out.”
  • Me: (strategizing how to get a second cup of coffee): “Maybe I should go to time out and just rest my eyes for a second?”
  • K: “You can rest your eyes—but JUST for a second. And then we’re going to play that other game. Actually, we can play any game, as long as it’s not the one where we break each other’s legs.”
  • Me: “Well, that sounds like a splendid idea.”
  • K: “And if you do a good job, I will let you pet my unicorn. You didn’t even KNOW I had a unicorn!”
  • M: “I absolutely did not. Thank you for cleaning its cage. And now I’m going to get that coffee.”
  • K: “You know why you need your coffee, mama??? Because you love us SO MUCH that it makes you TIRED!!”

She seriously has a point. And it’s absolutely the best kind of tired to be. 🙂

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Category: Beaverton Voice, Tales of a Super-Mom

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