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Tales of a Beaverton Super-Mom: ROFL! My Life as an Acronym

| April 1, 2014 | 0 Comments

18-super-mom-leadMy life is slowly becoming an acronym. Not in a hip, cutting edge way, where I’m two steps ahead of the texting lingo of today’s youth (“ILYSM!!” “No, you’re MY WCW!!” Emoji, emoji, emoji), but mostly from a condition a friend’s husband coined—and very accurately, I might add—OCI, or “Over-Commit-Itis”… where the most-used acronyms are not full of love and fun, but instead reek of responsibility and commitment and sometimes even a little resentment. OCI is actually quite prevalent in our community and appears to be self-diagnosed at a rapid rate once moms reach the breaking point of keeping up with the demands of said short-hand: GS (Girl Scouts), HW (homework), BC (book club), AL (Art Lit), DI (Destination Imagination), OBOB (Battle of the Books), any sport (bb, lax, vb—except “dance,” of course, since it’s only one syllable, and it would be SILLY to lengthen it to any sort of abbreviation…but yes, I have tried)– and my husband reminds me that we can’t forget The BRG:-)

I’ve written loads on the busy schedules of this generation and continue to personally support a theme of self-deprecating humor when it comes to my own family. But the other day, I think my husband had finally had enough when he was trying to figure out who was supposed to be where, and my texted shorthand was getting more and more difficult to discern. He began to respond a bit sarcastically with his own acronyms, but in some freakish, verbal-board-game-app way, I actually understood what he was saying:

H: Where is DI? What time do I PU? (pick up)

Me: 6 at Sam’s. You PU and TH (take home) everybody !

H: SG. SYL. (Sounds good. See you later.)

Me: Ok. DOTS. (Dinner on the stove). DFFL. (Don’t forget to fold laundry.)

H: TIR. (This is ridiculous.)

Um, okay, it actually is a little ridiculous. I’m pretty sure we never took a vow that said, “To text and to hold, until death does the carpool part.”

29 texting-abbreviationsThis, combined with a conversation I had with my 9 yr-old at breakfast the other day, made me wonder if it was time to take some things off my plate. We were heading out to eat on a Sunday morning, and I applied some rarely worn eyeliner and mascara just for the heck of it, then promptly forgot 30 minutes later and started rubbing my weary eyes. “Woops!” I said. “Totally forgot I had make-up on! Are my eyes black?” I asked Aurelia. “Ummm, noooo,” she hesitated. “I mean, they aren’t any more black than usual? Like, there isn’t make-up on them? Just those black circles under them. But don’t worry—they’re always there!!” she said cheerfully.

That same evening, my 5 yr-old was engaging in another imaginary soap opera with her 174 dollies lying around the house, when she randomly turned to me and said, “Do you think you’ll ever get married again?? I mean, besides daddy??” I was wrapped up in a lesson plan and trying to decide if I actually needed to fill out kindergarten paperwork the night before the deadline, or if I could push it off until the morning, when I absent-mindedly replied, “Uh, no, probably not. I don’t really have time for that.” She gave me a funny look, and I quickly tried to recover. “I mean, of course I’m not planning on marrying again!! One, I don’t think daddy would like that, and two, I kind of like daddy–that’s why I married him in the first place!” I then gave a loving smile to my husband, who was sprawled out on the couch nursing a massive toothache—and he managed to raise his eyebrows back in return and shake his head in disbelief.

So as the school year begins to wind down and the schedule begins to amp up with finales and festivals, I’m going to take a little hiatus from this column and plan on making an appearance again in the slower days of summer. (And if you see and my black-circle eyes in Safeway, just know that I’m working on making my life whole and not abbreviated–and that the whole “one husband” bit is still working out pretty well. 🙂

By Maureen Wilson

Editor’s Note: ILYSM = I Love You So Much; WCW = Woman Crush Wednesday

Maureen Wilson is an educator, Girl Scout leader, and often frazzled parent to three active girls. She finds motherhood to be a far more humorous and humbling experience than she ever imagined.

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Category: Beaverton Voice, Community Stories, Tales of a Super-Mom

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