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Tales of a Beaverton Super-Mom: The Fear of Asking Daddy = Askdaddyphobia

| March 1, 2014 | 0 Comments

‘Ask·dad·dy·pho·bia’ (noun):

The act wherein a child avoids asking father for help, despite the fact he is sitting two feet away, and will instead search every nook and cranny until mother is located, usually in a place of privacy, and pestered for 18-super-mom-leaddesired answer.

I experienced some Askdaddyphobia today when I had the audacity to attempt taking a shower… in a bathroom by myself… without anyone needing anything for four minutes.

Case Study: Child #1

  • Child #1, coming into the bathroom: “Mom, I need $10 for the mall!”
  • Me: “I’m sorry, you WHAT?”
  • Child: “I mean, ‘May I please have $10 for the mall??’ I promise to pay you back!”
  • Me: “Did you suddenly acquire employment?”
  • Child: “MOM! Please! My ride will be here any minute!! Can I please have some money because what is the point of one GOING to the mall if one cannot BUY anything??”
  • Me: “You might have noticed that I’m trying to take a shower; I usually do not keep cash in the shampoo bottle. And maybe one should consider one’s financial needs and find a way to fund them so going to the mall isn’t a crisis. By the way, where is your father??”
  • Child: “Downstairs, watching football. So… where is the money?”
  • Me: “Right. Here’s a thought–maybe with your father??”

Case Study: Child #2

  • Child #2 saunters in, edges out Child #1, puts down the toilet lid and makes herself a comfortable little seat before bringing out her homework.
  • “What is ‘oiudoiufngoiudoiyen’??”
  • Me: “I can’t hear you!”
  • Child: “What is knodyoighnjgnodine???”
  • Me: “Seriously, I really can’t hear you.”
  • Child: “MOM! I don’t know this word!”
  • Me, resignedly opening shower door. “What?”
  • Child: “What does this mean when it asks ‘What emotions did the character EVOKE in you?”
  • Me: “ You could have Googled that, and it means elicit/bring out/make you feel. For example, ‘When mom is trying to take a shower and can’t finish shampooing her hair, it evokes feelings of frustration 33 showerbecause this task really should only take a few minutes. And I’m pretty sure everyone can survive for a few minutes without their mother, particularly when there is a father somewhere under this roof.’”
  • Child: “Oh yeah, he’s here. I just passed him on my way upstairs.”
  • Me: (sigh, groan)

Case Study: Child #3

  • Child #3 interrupts my groan to tell me she’s ready to go hiking. From what I can see through the foggy shower door, I’m pretty sure she’s in some sort of princess costume.
  • Me: “Honey, those are not hiking clothes. What do you think is missing?”
  • Child, twirling in circles: “BUT…don’t you LOVE it? (Pause…) EAWWINGS!!! I’m missing my EAWWINGS!!”
  • (Yes, those should be really useful on the trail. Bring your heels and crown, too.)
  • Me: “Sugar, go find daddy and ask him to help you find some clothes. Mama will be out in a little bit.”
  • Child: “No thank you. I’ll just wait for you. I’m not busy right now.”

Well then, by all means, you just wait for me. Because I’m pretty sure I must have some sort of sign on my head that BEGS for people to ask me questions and give re-directives and referee unnecessary arguments. So I’ll just hold my breath and count to 10, because I know there will come a day where I sit down in the recliner to read my book, and no one will interrupt me. No one will probably even come out of their room to ask me a single question. In fact, everyone might be at the mall, spending their OWN money and buying items that I will WISH looked as pure as princess dresses–and not only will my opinion not matter, but it’s doubtful anyone will wait patiently to do anything with me.

So ask me, bug me, invade my space. I’m here, I’m mom, and for now, I am apparently Number One in your book. I am going to relish that and not be resentful of the fact there are very few moments that are ever mine in this stage of life.

(But, just for the record, I will also be scheduling more massages and joining more book clubs. Everybody’s good with that, right?

By Maureen Wilson

Maureen Wilson is an educator, Girl Scout leader, and often frazzled parent to three active girls. She finds motherhood to be a far more humorous and humbling experience than she ever imagined.

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Category: Beaverton, Community

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