Learn about Death Café: Conversations with neighbors about death and dying

Make the Most of Living our Finite Lives

Can we truly prepare for death? One short answer is “No, it is always a shock.” But there is a long answer as well. And the long answer is yes. We can prepare for our own death. Her death. His death. Their death.

We just need to start talking.

Of course, we have available to us the professionals: doctors, estate attorneys, funeral directors. And we also have friends, family, and even acquaintances.

Death Café brings together people in your community who have thoughts about this shared experience of dying. They are not professionals with studied expertise. No, they are your neighbors, people who experience the same joys and turmoil that you do. Their expertise is the empathy that comes from common struggles.

In Death Café people share their plans and how they came to develop them. They share their grief and how they are managing life amidst this grief. They share questions and mysteries that confuse and energize them as they explore dying with their families.

There are: tears, laughter, silence, talking, listening.

The small groups of 6-8 community members are facilitated by people trained to listen and to monitor the conversation so that it remains in the realm of shared experiences. There is no attempt to fix problems or direct particular solutions. All are welcome to join the discussion.

People walk away with fresh ideas and a lighter load. The problems and challenges of managing death do not go away. The realization of the normalcy of your experience makes the challenges accessible. Loss occurs all the time in all aspects of our lives: a job, move to a new home, loss of a neighbor, a pet dies, etc.

Loss is part of life.

Change requires loss, and opening to the nature of loss in these minor deaths help to prepare for the more significant loss that occurs with the death of a loved one. Death Café normalizes the process of loss with the support of neighbors.

Death Café was begun in Europe by Jon Underwood in 2011.

There are Death Cafés held in 90 countries around the world. Check www.deathcafe.com to find a Death Café near you.

Locally, Death Café is sponsored by Beaverton Committee on Aging, Washington County Disability Aging, and Veterans Services, and the Beaverton City Library.

There will be Death Cafés at Beaverton City Library Main on January 16, February 6, and February 27 from 10 a.m. to 11am.

By Martha McJacobs (Beaverton Committee on Aging member) and Wade McJacobs. Learn more about the BCOA at www.BeavertonLibrary.org/BCOA.