Letting go is the fertile ground where new life begins: My fear of free-falling through the sky
Autumn is the time I reflect on letting go of enormous beauty and embrace the season that becomes more barren. I see the leaves change color and find myself raking most weekends as the deciduous trees drop their foliage to conserve water and energy to endure the winter ahead. When I let go of something in my own life it creates that same kind of intentional space to preserve energy for something new in the future. I watch, learn, and remain open to the direction I want to go. Letting go is the fertile ground where new life begins.
Amit Ray: “In every change, in every falling leaf there is some pain, some beauty. And that’s the way new leaves grow.”
For years, my husband has been trying to convince me to skydive. I always thought of it as senseless —frightening, unnecessary, and dangerous. But during a recent conversation, I finally got past my own defensiveness. I realized I wanted to be the kind of person who could jump out of an airplane—someone who could calculate the risk, trust the parachute, and completely let go into the open sky.
In skydiving, I fear the intensity of stepping up to the open door and surrendering control, trusting the air to hold me up as I freefall at 120 miles per hour. For the first time, I confessed to my husband that I was terrified and wished that I wasn’t. I expanded my heart a little to the possibility as I added that I would be open to trying it if my health, safety, and ability to regulate my fear all came together. There is something profoundly transformative that happens inside me when a rigid “no” softens into an adventurous “maybe.”
It is so easy to get stuck behind my own boundaries, rules, and “wisdom” designed to protect me from harm. I don’t always look at the flip side—how over-protecting myself can actually cause a different kind of harm. It can make me rigid, less vulnerable, and distant in my relationships. When I carry past hurts and traumas, I can get so caught up in self-defense that I misinterpret the normal, messy parts of human connection as threats. To stay grounded, I try to have open conversations with trusted friends who help me see when my safety nets have turned into self-made boxes.
As I rake the yard this season, I want to intentionally breathe in the beauty, the deep colors, and the enduring life force of the trees. Even the most vibrant leaves must fall at the end of their cycle. May I remain open to how life unfolds, accepting that even precious things may not follow me into the next season. I want to look closely at the gifts right in front of me and stay open to whatever comes next.
May we all find release from our fear of letting go. Whether we are free-falling through the sky or standing in a pile of autumn leaves, may this season bring gentle endings and beautiful new beginnings.
Grace and Peace from Elissa Noble McCarthy, Aloha United Methodist Church (2270 SW 198th Ave, Beaverton). Feel free to reach out to us: 503-649-9133, www.alohaumc.org
