The Spirit can handle your honesty, your anger, and every word you use Swearing at my church

When someone uses a swear word at my church, it is common to hear an apology soon after. This often strikes me as funny, since for me, it is actually quite low on my radar of harm. Other times, I find it sad that a person feels the need to apologize for saying a swear word especially when it is used in a manner of describing great injustice. In fact, I am also angered if that injustice they are swearing about is directly related to harm people have done in the name of “God” or religion. In this case, perhaps it is I who should be the one apologizing on behalf of the church.

In my role at our church as administrator, people in need often come into my office and share their stories with me. This is one of the greatest blessings I have in my role, where we can connect in our common humanity.

When someone swears to emphasize a hardship in their life, I hear the pain that no English word has the capacity to capture. I’ll forever remember the face of a young gentleman, for example, who shared his experience of being trafficked on the streets. He struggled to contain his anger. I will never understand such horrors, but I must be willing to be with it and not explain it away in some ridiculous religious jargon. Responses are unique to the individual yet love and compassion must rest at the center.

Part of my own healing of church trauma involves a great deal of swearing. Doctrines of homophobic, sexist, and extreme viewpoints on quite mundane activities like playing with cards or even dancing seemed the norm in my white conservative church growing up (think “Footloose”). I have to create a new storyline that brings grace and joy. One that requires that I learn, watch and reflect on my own thoughts and behaviors, and replace the distortions with truth that better reflects history, spirituality and fullness of life.

Healing trauma in the body is a bit more complex. When I feel anxiety in the church because of church leaders who ignored the abuse in our family, or people who gave harsh judgements when I failed to meet the mark, I have to find my own spiritual connection with a different kind of Spirit: one that can handle my feelings regardless of the level of intensity and words I choose.

When I look out at the ocean or the trees, I feel a power that is greater than I understand. I choose to create my church office space in a way that reflects safety and love, with PRIDE flags, inspirational items from various cultures, and fidget toys that make me smile. Who says healing can’t be fun?

My path toward belonging is a beautiful, unfolding gift.

I want to dream beyond what I can currently see and make my circle wider. As I listen to the Spirit and the stars, I trust they are guiding me into an adventure where love and energy awaken us to a more just reality—in our churches, our relationships, and the systems we inhabit.

“The truth is, you can be messy, complicated, and afraid. You can be grieving and furious and still be holy. God is not fragile; Spirit can handle your honesty, your anger, and every word you use to set yourself free.”— Adapted from the Wisdom of the Wilderness.

Grace and Peace from Elissa Noble McCarthy, Aloha United Methodist Church (2270 SW 198th Ave, Beaverton). Feel free to reach out to us: 503-649-9133, www.alohaumc.org