Weather it’s a coworker or a grandchild, learn to negotiate effectively
The three primary reasons that negotiations fail include inadequate preparation, insufficient time to negotiate the issue, and ineffective communication. The following tips may help improve your negotiation rates.
Preparation: First, walk around the topic to be discussed: do a 360° analysis. Most people make the mistake of just looking at a problem from their own perspective. Take a look at it from all sides. It is better to identify the weaknesses of your perspective before the negotiations start, because invariably the other side will quickly point out the shortcomings of your assessment. One technique is to physically move to another desk or chair and take a long hard look at how the other side views the topic to be discussed. Physically moving often enables a negotiator to see the issues more clearly, and this “shoe-switching” technique makes it a lot easier to scrutinize the issues to be discussed.
Second, for every issue to be discussed and resolved, attempt to generate three potential options before you ever start negotiating. There is an old saying that “The negotiator who walks into the room with the most options wins!” Trying to think of options, while at the negotiation table and attempting to think clearly under pressure, is a recipe for major mistakes.
Timing: Impromptu negotiations are not usually productive, so try to negotiate when there is sufficient time to discuss everything. Perhaps if you are at a party and a topic comes up, suggest, “This certainly is something I want to talk about with you, so let’s get together, when we do not have this distraction.” Most of time the person will agree.
Communication: If people cannot communicate effectively, they cannot exchange information, and without the ability to exchange information there is nothing to negotiate. Two key factors regarding good communication are: listen carefully and speak their language.
Most people do not listen to anyone expressing a different point of view. Everyone is just waiting for his/her turn to talk or is mentally creating a rebuttal. Listen—really listen and then summarize what you understood the speaker to say. If the speaker does not feel that you got it right, then ask them to repeat their key points, and again summarize. This technique provides two distinct psychological benefits for any negotiation: subconsciously, the speaker understands that you are interested in resolving the matter, which in turn makes it more likely that he/she will listen when you speak, and they will be more likely to trust you and the information that you provide.
Speaking their language means using similar words and relating a response to the speaker’s “time orientation”. There are four communication styles: intuitor, sensor, feeler and thinker. These four communication styles can produce communication roadblocks exactly the same way as if people were speaking four different foreign languages. Imagine a room with four people attempting to negotiate if each one spoke a different language, for example: Chinese, another, Russian, the third Spanish and the fourth German!
Nancy Neal Yeend is a local grandmother, a retired Realtor, and mediator/dispute management strategist. She enjoys going to parks, identifying birds and visiting memory care facilities with her Therapy Dog, Wolfie.
